He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
