dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
