I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
