I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
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