he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
