Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
