She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize