You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
