i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
