People in love make me want to vomit
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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