they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
