Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
