drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
