dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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