I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
