Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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