Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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