i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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