i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
