Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
