I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
