Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
