....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
