don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize