you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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