i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
