Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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