It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
