how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
