When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize