Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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