I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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