My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
