That's intense
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
