to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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