i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
