Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
