Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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