I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
