You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Randomize
