You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
