PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize