I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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