have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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