Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Randomize
