Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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