Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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