I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
