Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
