I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
