$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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