Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
