i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
