Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
