Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
