I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize