Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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