he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
