I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
