those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
