it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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