Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
