I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
