his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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