My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
