my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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