thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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