I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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