You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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