I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
