I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
