can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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