I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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