its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
