I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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