i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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