you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
