I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
nutella sex= disaster
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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